- Research has shown that even children as young 3 can identify their gender.
- My experience is that children are able to identify who they are and require adults to help them.
- Trans and gender-nonconforming kids are just as confident than cisgender ones.
When I talk about working with trans youth as a gender specialist, the first question I get is: “But aren’t they too young to know?” My quick answer is “No.”
While I have studied gender identity development in children, read the theories and looked through the studies, the best confirmation has been seeing trans children’s embodied joy.
Children as young as three years old can identify their gender and identity. Research supports this, but adults often fear children and believe they are too young to know. Parents want certainty and prefer to believe doctors have it right.
Children know who they’re.
I was an intern in graduate school. Camp AranutiqThe camp is for trans and gender-nonconforming young people. The family weekend included children as young and as old as three years. They were also open to their children, so any time with them you would be challenged about the belief system for trans youth.
To me, parents described their children as “confident,” “social,”And “alive”Since coming out and honoring the identity of their partner with a Transition to social life — change in gender presentation, name, pronouns, etc. These children knew their identity. It would be great if more adults knew who they were and weren’t afraid to be authentic.
Research suggestsA child is able to identify their gender by the time they turn three years old. Children experience more often before they reach the age of school. gender stabilityTheir basic gender identity does not change with time. A widely-researched psychological theory states that there is a way to make your brain work.originally proposed in the 1960s. Children in early elementary school experience greater stability. gender constancyThis means that their gender is the same regardless of changes. gender expression.
Playing dress-up and other imaginary games is an excellent example. This allows children to identify their gender, regardless of whether they are wearing the appropriate clothes or playing the role.
Gender development occurs between the ages three and twelve in all children
Gender development is the most fundamental level for transgender kids between the ages 3 and 12. The same as cisgender children’s gender development. Numerous studies have proven that transgender and gender-nonconforming children are just as confident in their own gender identities as cisgender ones.
The caregiver is more likely than the child to witness identity confusion. This is because they are conforming to society’s expectations. Many These studies are available in the literature.The suggestion that transgender children of preschool age are not suitable for their needs isn’t supported.DifferentTheir development is influenced by their gender-typical peers. One small study of transgender trans youth aged between 3 and 12 years found that the children who were transgender had a higher rate of success than their gender-typical peers. PreferencesFor toys, clothes and friends, they were more often associated with their gender. They also felt more of Similarities to peersThey can also be their own gender.
StudiesStudies also indicate that transgender children, who are not gender-conforming at birth, show greater extremes in their nonconformity later in life than other children.
Simply put, the more children identify with gender and express it, the more likely they will transition. Research also shows that socially-transitioning children at an early age are more likely to succeed in school. Most likely to continueTo identify as transgender.
We need to understand that children know themselves better than we adults.
It is possible for your child to go through a phase in which they prefer certain clothes or hairstyles. However, this does not make them transgender. This is a sign that they are exploring their identity and it’s important they have the support and space to do so. If they don’t have that support, they will likely do it anyway in secret.
As much as it might feel as if it’s your job to know — it isn’t. Your job is not to give unconditional love or support. Gender is not a fixed outcome. Listening to your child is the best way to help them.
One thing about the ResearchThis is incredibly obvious: Children who have Parents who support their children are happier, HealthierHave a higher self-esteem and confidence.
Rebecca Minor MSW, LICSW, is a queer, Jewish clinical psychologist and associate professor at Boston University. She specializes in the intersections of trauma, gender, sexuality, and gender. As an a gender specialistRebecca is a mentor to trans and gender-nonconforming young people and a guide to parents as they affirm their potential. She also offers CoachingAnd online classesFor parents and their families looking for support to help their children become their true selves.