- Although I won gold in 2008, 2016 and 2016, I still feel guilty about my mom.
- As a psychology master’s student, I have learned that the first step to relieving guilt is acknowledging it.
- Here’s Natasha Hastings’ story as told to Heather Marcoux.
Running is what made my life great. Olympic gold medalist twiceHowever, when it comes down to mom guilt, it is something I refuse to ignore. It’s okay to admit it. It is acknowledged. That is how I can build the life I want for myself and my 2-year-old boy.
My entire life was devoted to being an athlete before I became a mother. Athletes can focus on their own goals and needs. Parenthood is about constantly thinking about your child’s needs and what your goals are for them.
My goal is to raise a boy who can face the world and grow up. That’s why I don’t want to be solely focused on him. I can’t forget me. Because he will eventually have to create his own life, my son can’t be my whole life. While our lives are currently on the same tracks, our paths will eventually diverge. Both of us need to be ready for this.
Our schedules can be very busy
Our week is packed and our time is precious. Although I am a mother now, I am still an athlete as well as someone with plans and interests.
I am one year away from graduating my master’s in clinical mental illness. I believe that my clinical training has taught to me to view mom guilt as a safety net for my mental well-being.
I can’t deny feeling mom guilt. It is okay to feel it. I can then investigate it and decide if it is a sign I need to make changes or if it is just me being too harsh on myself.
Sometimes, when I return from class, my babysitter has already made him bed. This makes me feel even more guilty. Sometimes, the week passes so quickly that I don’t notice it until it’s time to go to my son’s dad’s house for the weekend.
I feel like I’m missing out at an important stage in my sons life and am constantly trying to manage that tension.
I don’t believe there is balance
Many people believe that balance is the cure for mom guilt. But balance is not possible because society puts so many demands on us. I don’t believe that motherhood can be achieved by seeking balance. It’s impossible to balance a river that is rushing, but it is possible to navigate it. By acknowledging the ebbs-and-flows of the current, you can keep your boat afloat.
This means that my son may be asleep by the time I return home. Sometimes, after the babysitter has left, I climb into bed with my son, making sure not to wake him up while I snuggle.
Sometimes, mom guilt is what I find myself in. When it happens, I evaluate everything I have on my plate and remind me that no sentence is complete, even if I say it. I cannot do everything and I certainly cannot do everything alone. If I am open to receiving help and accepting it, I can create the life I want for my son and myself.
It was something that I thought of every day since the day I hired my babysitter. She shared with me the story of her mom who went back to school when she had a small daughter and how they lost time together. But she also told me another thing.
“I’ve never resented her at all for that,”She spoke.
She is the one I hired to watch my son while I am away. He will one day, I know.