AN AFFAIR doesn’t have to spell the end of the relationship – it could actually be the best thing to happen.
Too many couples call time on their relationships when they find out their other half has been cheating but they shouldn’t be so fast to throw their love away.
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Yes, the betrayal will hurt but it could also be the wake-up call so many couples desperately need.
When I came clean about my affair to an ex partner I thought it would sound the death knell in our relationship – but it actually saved us.
We had fallen into boredom and humdrum, as do most long-term partners.
We had been avoiding each other for too long and were able to openly communicate with one another.
Was our love worth saving – or should we just call it quits?
I told my primary partner that I didn’t feel emotionally attached to the other man – I simply enjoyed the attention.
It was true. However, I deliberately withheld all the details of our wild sex. Truthfulness is not always the best way to save someone’s feelings.
Instead, I concentrated on issues we’d been sweeping under the carpet for months – like our boring, predictable sex and the fact we felt more like flatmates than lovers.
The revelation did not force us apart. It made us realize how much we loved each other and brought us closer to one another.
I ended up the victim and my boyfriend apologised to me
Georgette Culley
Yes, he was livid with me and it took me time to rebuild his trust – but when I explained my reasons for playing away (he was working late most nights and I felt neglected) it made him take stock and realise he’d been taking me for granted.
I was the victim, and my boyfriend began to apologize to him. That may sound crazy but most adulterers aren’t bad people, they’re good people who have made a mistake.
Relationships are two-way affairs. While I made a mistake, his behaviour was also not good.
We were able to work things out and spend more time together over the next few weeks.
We began to make room for date night and started flirting with one another again, even if it was only a cheeky snog in the middle of the day.
We would turn off our phones twice a week and then turn on each other.
We started having amazing sex up to five times a day
Georgette Culley
We also scheduled in sex – which I know sounds miserable and unsexy but we both had busy jobs and clashing social lives so it worked for us.
Soon, we were having sex every day and had just met again. It was as if we were back in our early flirty days.
Better sex with your partner after they’ve been unfaithful is actually more common than you might think.
Research shows some spouses become more sexually attracted to their partner post-affair and their increased desire for them is because they’re ‘staking their claim’ – either consciously or unconsciously.
You can do it more often, and it’s easier to want it. That was the case with us. My libidos and our love and affection went up after I admitted to cheating.
It is now easier than ever to cheat online. Is it not time that we were more open-minded about infidelity?
One third of marriages end in divorce, and this number is likely to rise post-pandemic.
Before you leave your loverat partner, take some time to look at the relationship objectively.
Have you done anything that may have made them leave? Do you still feel sexually attracted? Have you had an affair that has re-energized your sexual drive?
If yes, you can make it work.
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