Luckily, because of his limitations, Gavin Williamson has not been given a job of any importance, he’s only in charge of the country’s education…
If you think politicians are not capable of doing the right thing, “boring” If they do, they should be referred to Gavin Williamson (Education Secretary), who is a fizzing cauldron full of entertainment.
He described how impressed he felt when he met Marcus Rachford this week. But he hadn’t met Marcus Rashford, it was rugby player Maro Itoje and he got them mixed up.
Williamson should become the manager of England. The commentators will then be able to announce the teams by telling them: “In a surprise move, Mo Farah plays on the left, as the manager thought he was Marcus Rashford. Even more bold is his decision to play Stormzy upfront as he thought he was Raheem Sterling and put Diane Abbott in goal as he thought she was Jordan Pickford.”
To be fair, we’ve all made this sort of mistake. I was home when I realized this the other night. “You’ll never guess who I’ve been speaking to – Barack Obama.”
Eileen is the one who runs the launderette, and it turned out that I was mistaken. That explains why she seemed so confused when she asked me if she could have achieved greater arms control with Vladimir Putin.
Luckily, because of his limitations, Williamson has not been given a job of any importance, he’s only in charge of the country’s education.
This is logical since he was required to take an exam. “Can you outline the impact of Nelson Mandela” He would reply: “He was great in The Wire.”
His own game show should be created. “Gavin’s Guessing”, in which he can win money if he identifies which black person he’s talking to. He says this after 20 minutes of talking to Ainsley Harriott. “It’s been a pleasure to meet Aretha Franklin” – and keep us all amused.
This guy outdoes all the others in a Cabinet that is full of idiots such as Dominic Raab (who thought the sea was closed) and Priti Patel (who thinks she can make a wave machine to push immigrant boats back into the water).
After every Cabinet meeting, he should go home to say: “Tiger Woods and Andy Murray were there today. They had a lot to say about National Insurance.”
Williamson, however, was an entertainer who had even more laughable lines. He said that the portrait of Queen Elizabeth was in his office “wasn’t flattering” Then, he corrected himself and said: “Obviously every picture of the Queen is stunning.”
He should be an art critic so that he can write. “This portrait of Her Majesty is stunning” until it’s pointed out it’s actually a photo of Marcus Rashford.
He’s done well, because traditionally, if you believed you’d had a meeting with Marcus Rashford when you’d never met Marcus Rashford, you would be placed in a secure room with doctors coming in to take notes at a safe distance, saying: “Have we seen Mr. Rashford again this morning? Good.
“And did he tell you how to score lots of goals? Jolly good. Now open wide, let’s make sure you’ve swallowed all your tablets. Marcus Rashford wouldn’t want you to not swallow your tablets, would he?”