Also, Mr Raab seems to be confused by a report from his department warning about rapid Taliban advance.
Dominic Raab, the politician that we need.
He was asked if he was paddleboarding in Crete while the Taliban took over Afghanistan, and insisted he wasn’t, because “The sea was closed.”
This must be investigated. It was a friendly mountain that had stopped by for lunch and left a note saying “Thank you.” “Back in 10 minutes” What is the best way to get started?
It’s so annoying when this happens.
You get to the sea and it’s closed for repairs, or it’s down to one lane because a pedalo has crashed into an inflatable flamingo, so there’s a 20-mile tailback all the way to Jersey.
Dominic Raab ought to have been asked more details so that he could answer: “It started when a whale turned up in the morning and saw a huge chain and padlock round the Atlantic.
“Then some jellyfish heard a rumour of a temporary closure due to a shortage of waves, that I deny was caused by Brexit.”
Maybe the closure didn’t just spoil Dominic Raab’s holiday.
Also, 800 people on a luxury cruise to Tangier had to be airlifted out of the shut sea, halfway through a concert by Engelbert Humperdinck. Now they’re all dangling from helicopters until it opens again.
Dominic has displayed unusual theories of the sea before.
He stated that he was the Foreign Secretary when he was appointed. “hadn’t realised”The importance of the English Channel for imports from Europe.
He must have thought that all goods and food from Europe arrived by nightbus. He must have had wonderful conversations at international meetings.
I believe he spoke to Angela Merkel at G7 “I’m very honoured to meet you. Tell me, where is Germany? Is it in Zone 4 or is it the other side of Croydon?”
Dominic Raab insisted that everyone was captured “unawares” by the Taliban’s victory.
He was then shown the report by his Defence Secretary, which told him of: “Rapid advances by the Taliban.”
But this doesn’t prove anything. The report didn’t make clear where the Taliban were advancing to, did it?
They may have been moving towards their holiday. Dominic might then have been advancing towards their holiday. They could sit together on the beach, wondering when it would open.
The report also warned of: “This could lead to the fall of cities, collapse of security forces, the Taliban returned to power, mass displacement and significant humanitarian need.”
Dominic Raab also read the article and, as any other person responsible for the situation thought “everything seems calm so I’ll pop to somewhere with a semi-functioning sea”.
The report didn’t mention that there would be a fall of cities or that the Taliban might return to power.
Finally, Dominic Raab was asked when his holiday started, as it appears he went away after he’d seen this report.
He refused to answer 11 times.
Eventually, he’ll tell us he didn’t know his holiday had started, because he hadn’t crossed any sea as it was closed, and the plane couldn’t take off because the sky was shut.