We were broken when we lost our babies – but dads are too often forgotten

TWO dads lost their babies and found a way to help them grieve – pink socks.

James Fryer and Lewis Keywood met at the gym. They unexpectedly opened up to one another after having never spoken to anyone about their grief.

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They formed a group to help dads who have lost their baby find each other.

Lewis, a 34-year old fitness enthusiast from Paignton (Devon), and James, the online clothing director, started Together Socks.

It produces bright pink socks, which can be worn by anyone who has been through the tragedy or those who wish to support Tommy’s charity.

To date they have sold over 1,200 pairs, raising over £5,600 for the charity, with a backlog of orders for thousands more.

Lewis, who is married to Vicky, 34, said: “I’m a proud father to our daughter Ruby who recently turned nine years old; I am however, a father to two other babies, neither of whom are with us today.

“Before 2010, baby loss was something I didn’t know much about. To me it was an extremely rare occurrence and something you only ever heard about when it was a news topic – which was also rare.

“I was shocked at how common it is. I jumped to the middle of 2010. Vicky and my son died in the second trimester. This happened during the second trimester. Why? What were we doing wrong to deserve it?

“The March 2010 date will never leave my memory. The placenta burst at 28 weeks. It was a shock to see our son born on a scan bed shortly after we were told everything was fine.

“The one question that you’ll never be answered is, ‘why?’. Almost 11 years later, that question still isn’t answered.

“Through Tommy’s we were offered some counselling, half a dozen face-to-face sessions, which helped massively, but those wounds never really heal.”

He claimed that his partner was depressed and that he suffered heartbreak.

However, he stated that his friends had never been able to discuss it with them.

He added: “I guess it’s a man thing, you’re expected to move on. But we’d spent months planning a future with our son, and suddenly that future was ripped away.

“Just over a year later we were overjoyed to find out we’d conceived again, and welcomed Ruby into the world in the summer of 2012, but again, everyone assumed that made everything better.

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“As someone who’s really into their fitness, I threw my energies into fundraising for Tommy’s through a series of half and full marathons, and even got a tattoo on my arm to represent the son we’d never hold.

“I met James in 2018 and he asked me for PT sessions. He immediately commented on my tattoo which is something that very few men notice.

“Sharing our stories, very soon we became exceptionally close, forming a bond it’s hard to describe.

“While this started out as a simple way of dad’s reaching out to dads, it’s more than that, it’s a way to encourage grieving parents to get out the door and stay fit, it’s about anyone wanting to show their support.

“But the biggest message for me is about making you feel like you’re not alone, because on your own it’s almost impossible to cope and move forwards.”

James Fryer, 38 is married Gemma, 38. They have two children, Toby, 10, Louise 7, and Kit.

He said: “Gemma and I suffered two late miscarriages before Toby was born, then another one after we had Kit – but when people hear you’ve gone on to have a child they assume everything’s fixed, when it’s not.

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“With our current pregnancy, on New Year’s Eve we thought Gemma was having yet another miscarriage, and rushed to hospital – scans showed we’d been expecting twins, and one of them had sadly passed away, which is a massive mix of emotions.

“Over a pint Lewis and I hatched the socks plan – I noticed Lewis loved wearing fancy, even slightly garish socks, and he knew I worked in clothing, so it seemed a perfect match.

“Together,” was the name we came up repeatedly with. The more we spoke it the more it made sense. We are all in this together, Together Socks.

“Socks can be worn together to form a pair. We hope parents will feel reunited by wearing our socks.

“Our aim is to raise money for Tommy’s, but we also want to raise awareness of baby loss and hope our bright pink socks can be a conversation starter.

“We have created some stylish Tommy’s pink socks, designed for sporting occasions and also for casual wear if you’re feeling brave!

“The staff at Tommy’s have supported us from day one and have been beyond amazing with their help. Thank you Tommy’s for bringing people together, for bringing strangers into our lives that have now become close friends, Together.

“Lewis on his own has raised over £20,000 for Tommy’s, and with our socks we’re hoping to smash that in the next year or so – but also to open up a wider community to talk about their experiences.”