- Our journey to parenthood was more complicated as a couple of same-sex.
- This is an adaptation of “Not Another Parenthood Guide,” a Coterie limited-edition book.
- This book contains personal stories about the journeys of Coterie members to parenthood.
This is an adaptation of “The Next Chapter.”There is no other parenting guide“A book by Coterie’sBabyQuest receives 100% of all sales from the campaign Becoming Parents
One year after we were married, we began talking about starting a family. Although I do not think we are ready, it is obvious that as a couple of same-sex, there are many logistics involved in starting a family.
We met with a fertility physician, who helped us find a donor sperm. I was also taking prenatals and getting ready for the next step in my life.
My wife wanted children, but she didn’t want to be a mother. I was like “Oh, I’ll be pregnant, 100 percent.”It was easy to make that decision.
Costs will be a factor when deciding on which route to follow.
To see how things worked, we began with one cycle. The doctors realized that my ovulation was extremely irregular and they wanted me to be medicated to improve my chances of conception. It was difficult. It was a new ballgame once all the hormones had been mixed in.
I was finally diagnosed with my condition after they had run four more tests. “unexplained infertility” — whatever that means. This is the most irritating sentence in fertility history. It’s like: How is anything unexplained?
At four months, we were at a crossroads. We decided to continue with IUI as IVF is expensive at $30,000 and IUI can be expensive at a few thousand per cycle.
We had just received our last vial from our donor. When we went to buy more, he stopped donating. We could not get any more sperm from him. The whole process of finding a donor sperm was a tedious one.
There is no perfect sperm donor
The fertility doctor explained to us that there is no perfect donor, and told us to keep our fingers crossed. “just pick three of the most important things for you, and then we’ll narrow it down.”Because we used our egg, I really wanted to find a Filipino donor for sperm. I also wanted the baby to be like us.
We were not 100% sure about our first donor. When we decided to go with a second donor for sperm, it was a simple decision. It seemed like a better match. I was able to have a fifth IUI.
chemical pregnancy
. My pregnancy test was positive, and we were so happy. Two days later, my blood test came back with a very low result.
hCG
.
We were having our sixth session with the new sperm donor. I was thinking. “This is going to be our last time, and then we’re taking a break. We’ll go on vacation, we’ll do something, and then do IVF again in a few months because I’m tapped out.” Our fertility doctor agreed but said we were going to do two back-to-back IUIs — meaning the day you ovulate, you go in for one IUI, then 24 hours later, you go in and do another one. Because my wife was working, I was unable to go.
Because I knew it wouldn’t work, I refused to buy pregnancy tests. Just in case, my wife bought me some.
Three minutes later, I was greeted with two bold, big lines. Because I had already received two positive results that failed, it was difficult to believe. I was also excited but very reserved. I probably took around 30 pregnancy tests. I took a test for pregnancy every time I had a pee for at least two days before I was able to get the blood test.
I will not lie, the pregnancy journey was not easy. Because it was hard work to get pregnant, I believe that. Every checkup, every ultrasound, everything was stressful.
I was waiting for the other shoe. I was anxious and nervous for seven months. After that, I felt able to relax a bit. It’s not clear that I knew how that would feel. I kept wondering what my glow was. Fast food was my first love. It was my secret indulgence: Taco Bell every day.
It made me feel very, very isolated. I felt miserable each month due to these horrible hormones and didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know anyone who had undergone fertility treatments before so I didn’t really have anyone to talk to.
Now that we are on the other side, it feels like I could talk all day about fertility. Because nobody wants it, I don’t like to offer unasked advice. But I’ll listen and engage in conversation with anyone who wants it.
Nobody talks about the exhausting feelings it causes, whether it be financially, emotionally, or mentally. It was a whole year, which felt like forever.
Everything, sadness, and all worries disappeared once we had the positive pregnancy test. Because this is the moment you’ve been waiting. We have just cried
From “Not Another Parenthood Guide,”Published November 3, 2021 by Coterie. Copyright 2021