Surprising things I learned from a professional bridesmaid

• Jen Glantz, a professional bridesmaid, has participated in over 125 weddings.
• Glantz taught me how to be a better bridesmaid so I can help my friends.
• She taught me from the beginning that boundaries are the best way to be a bridesmaid.

In less than one year, I will have served as a bridesmaid at three weddings.

Although I love being there for my friends at their weddings, there are many things that make me nervous about being a bridesmaid.

Jen Glantz is a professional bridesmaid coach and the founder of Bridesmaid Coaching. I took lessons with Jen Glantz. Bridal maids for hireShe has attended over 125 weddings.

Glantz’s insight surprised me. It helped me to realize that the best bridesmaids do not say yes every time.

No matter how excited or nervous you may be, you shouldn’t immediately say yes.

It is a huge responsibility to be a bridesmaid.

It can be costly and time-consuming. Glantz suggested that you determine how much of your personal life you are willing to give to the wedding.

If you don’t, you could end up spending more money and time on the wedding, or you might end up resenting your engaged couple after the event.

Glantz recommends that people assess their financial situation and calendars in order determine what resources they have available for weddings and other events such as bachelorette parties and showers.

It is important to consider your budget, what amount of your PTO you will use, and whether there are any obstacles that may prevent you from being part the bridal party.

You should also consider how much time each event will take if you are like me and can be at multiple weddings within a single year.

If you believe you can be part the bridal party, after having gone through this thought process, tell the engaged couple what your boundaries are and ask if they still want to include you in the bridal party.

While it is possible for your friend to be offended by your boundaries, it is important to keep them in order.

“In the end, that boundary is protecting you, your finances, and your future,” Glantz said. “That matters a lot more than the friendship.”

You should also not answer messages immediately from your bridal party

The bridesmaids get flooded with emails and texts from the groom or maid of honour about everything from dresses to day-of plans.

Glantz explained to me that answering all these messages is important, but not all of them should be answered immediately.

“When you respond instantly, you’re known as that person who’s instantly responding and then that eats into your boundaries,” Glantz said.

She recommends that you deliberately choose how long you wait to answer messages about the wedding, unless they are urgent. This will show people that you are open to helping but also shows them you do have a life beyond the event.

Glantz will typically respond to messages from bridal parties within an hour to two hours, but it is acceptable to wait up until a day to set boundaries.

Although the idea of creating these boundaries with my friends while they plan their weddings is still scary to me, Glantz encouraged me not to be afraid.

“I think rule number one of being a good bridesmaid is remembering to be a good friend and remembering to stand up for yourself,”She said. “What’s missing in this whole bridesmaid experience are these tough, honest, real conversations that will make your friendship last after the wedding.”