- My journey to becoming pregnant with my daughter took nine rounds of in vitro fertilization, and it took me four years.
- I took so many pregnancy test in my journey, that I could have a dollhouse built with them all.
- Since we tried to conceive, the pink lines on COVID-19 tests have been causing me PTSD.
My heart was racing. My head felt weak. I didn’t believe I could wait so much for an answer. It was unbelievable to me that I was still anxious about at-home testing.
At-home pregnancy testing made me anxious during my four years with infertility. To have our daughter, it took four years, ten doctors, nine rounds if in vitro fertilization, four miscarriages, and four more years.
During that time I peed on so much sticks that I could have made a dollhouse from them.
Our 6-year-old daughter is now in the pandemic. Two years later, these rapid COVID-19 at-home tests are causing me infertility and PTSD.
Yes, in those days I was desperately hoping for a second line, even posting them in my infertility groups dedicated to deciphering pregnancy tests — “do y’all think this is a shadow or a pregnancy line?” But I desperately hope for a second chance. Not We don’t want COVID-19 so we won’t be late.
These tests are not easy for me.
Anyone who has ever experienced infertility, or attempted to get pregnant for some time, can feel a lot of old emotions when they take at-home tests.
“I’m having horrible flashbacks to my fertility treatments,”Amy Bennett spent over three years IVF-ing to have her second child, who is now four years old.
She stated that she used many pregnancy tests for her seven IVF rounds. “It was very stressful. Sometimes I would hide in the bathroom and not tell my husband I was taking a pregnancy test. I was embarrassed, but I needed to have control.”
Bennett administered more than a dozen quick tests at-home to her younger daughter, who was first exposed to COVID-19 right before Christmas. “I sat there looking at the test thinking, ‘Oh, my god, I never thought I would be focusing on these types of tests again.'”
Bennett quarantined her four-member family for 10 days before continuing to test them. Bennett quarantined her family of four for 10 days and kept testing them. She also felt the same sense of inaction as she did while IVF was going.
“I spent three years living my life based on what I needed to do for my fertility treatments, and now it’s the same thing,”She stated that people go on vacation, have family celebrations, and live their lives without thinking twice.
Her entire family had to wait over a month before she was able to test positive.
She shared that she had the same experience waiting on the at home tests. “It’s the same feeling, watching the fluid of the test move across the strip, and when there’s a splinter, you can tell right away,”She said.
There is only one difference between the negative and positive results. “when you’re doing a pregnancy test, this is when you get happy, but when it’s a COVID test, you take out the tequila and the chocolate.”
It is also difficult for women who are experiencing infertility because of the pandemic. For many, it has meant delayed or canceled treatments and putting their lives on hold. Others are constantly anxious about testing for both.
“I took two tests that day,”Rachel, a friend, requested that we use her first name in order to keep her fertility journey secret. She told me about the time she tested positive for COVID-19 this summer before entering her fertility clinic. “The one that I desperately wanted to be positive, I found out was negative, and the one that I assumed would be negative but it turned out to be positive.”