WAKING up to your child crying in terror is enough to give any parent nightmares, but there are ways to make bad dreams less stressful for the whole family.
If your child cries out for help or if you wake up to hear their screams, you can remember that nightmares are not uncommon and may even be useful.
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“Nightmares are part of a human survival mechanism and they teach us how to handle something scary when we’re faced with it,” explains Annie Simpson, co-founder ofInfant Sleep Consultants.
“It’s just about remembering that it is normal and it will pass.”
Sometimes parents are unsure if their child is suffering from a nightmare or night terror. Each case should be treated differently.
There are many important distinctions. The easiest way to distinguish between the two is to look at the time.
“You can work out what’s happening according to which part of the night it’s happening in,” Annie.
“A nightmare occurs in the second two thirds of the night and the child is asleep throughout the whole episode and will tell their parents that it’s happened afterwards.
“Whereas with a night terror, it happens in the first third of the night and the parents will be alerted to it while it’s happening.
“The child is asleep during the episode but they will seem awake and they will seem in a state of terror.”
Night terrors Vs nightmares – what’s the difference?
According to the NHS (https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/night-terrors/), a child having night terrors may scream and thrash around for up to 15 minutes.
They’re common in children aged between three and eight years old and it occurs on waking abruptly from deep, non-dream sleep, usually in the early part of the night.
The child’s eyes will be open but they won’t be awake and may not remember what happened the next day.
They’re more common in children with a family history of night terrors or sleepwalking and can be triggered by tiredness, fever, excitement, sudden noise or a full bladder.
Night terrors are usually over by the time children reach adulthood. However, if night terrors occur more than once a night or on a regular basis, it’s worth talking to your GP.
Nightmares occur in dream sleep (REM), which means that they occur more late in the night.
They’re common in children aged three to six years old.
You might see your child awaken from a bad dream, or they may remember it and relay the details to you.
Seek medical attention if your child has recurring nightmares.
HOW TO DEAL WITH NIGHT TERRORS
If your child is having night terrors, Annie says the best way to respond may seem counter-intuitive.
She explains: “Instinctively parents will want to comfort their child, but actually sometimes, if you try to intervene, it will prolong the episode.
“The best thing to do is make sure their environment is safe and then sit there quietly and wait for the episode to pass, give them a quick kiss and leave again.
“They will have no recollection of the night terror or that you were in the room.”
Annie clarifies that night terrors do not always indicate underlying trauma.
“It honestly isn’t a sign of anything sinister at all,” She said.
“The family would know whether their child had had a traumatic event.”
HOW TO DEAL WITH NIGHTMARES
Nightmares can be broadly categorised into two types: imaginary fears (monsters, witches etc.) There are also more real dangers, such as wild animals.
Both should be reassured and dispelled as possible.
“When I’ve had children who’ve told me about nightmares, I will very calmly say: ‘There’s no such thing as monsters’ – which is obviously true.
“There are no such things as monsters, there are no such things as witches – you’re just shutting down that possibility,” Annie.
“If it was a tiger, for example, I would almost try and look at it logically and in a very light-hearted way say: ‘A tiger? In your bedroom? No way. Tigers live in India!’ and do it that way.
“Or, you know: ‘A spider wouldn’t want to be in your bedroom, it would want to be in a tree!’ – that sort of thing to reassure them but also to keep it light-hearted.”
It’s important that parents don’t inadvertently fuel the fear.
Annie says: “Parents like to feel they’re fixing the problem so sometimes they’ll buy a bottle and decorate it with fun stickers and say: ‘Don’t worry, I’m going to spray monster spray around the room and that will stop the monsters coming,’ and actually, I think what you’re doing is you’re kind of alluding to the fact that there might be a monster.”
For the same reason, Annie advises not to let your child sleep in your bed after waking from a nightmare.
She explains: “If your child came through to you and said: ‘I had a dream there was a tiger under my bed,’ and you let them get into your bed, you’re reinforcing the possibility that there might be.
“But if you give them a quick cuddle and take them back to bed, you would never do that if there was a tiger under their bed.
“So I think it’s important that children always associate their own beds as places of safety because that’s what we want, we want children to have happy associations with where they sleep so they just relax and go to sleep.”
You might also want to think about what is causing their bad dreams at night.
Annie says: “Take two steps back, put your detective hat on, look at the content of what they’re reading, make sure what they’re watching is age appropriate, and also make sure their environment is calm.
“I distinctly remember thinking my teddies would come alive at night – so look at their environment and try and see it through their eyes.
“Night lights can create shadows and shadows can scare children.”
Annie’s top five tips for dealing with nightmares
- Remember that it’s normal and will pass
- Don’t fuel the fear
- Take your child back to bed once you’ve reassured them
- Look at what they’re reading and watching that could be giving them bad dreams
- Make sure their environment is calm
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