- I was a child when I saw a magazine cover. This set me on the path for many years.
- Telling women they can have it all is not helpful — we might not want it all.
- The pandemic helped me to see what I really needed and wanted. I am now teaching my daughter this.
I was on the eighth grade bus and only had a few seconds between transfers. I was reluctant to open my carefully packed backpack and decided to browse the nearby newsstand.
The headline was found in between magazines about architecture or homes. “Yes! A Woman Can Have It All, And What They Need To Do To Get It!”
This thought remained in my head for the remainder of the ride to school.
This was something I had never heard of before. “all”That was my goal. I didn’t realize that this was something I needed to work towards, and unfortunately, I didn’t buy the magazine to learn more about how to get there.
It was only after the pandemic did I realize how far I had hidden this idea and the pressure it put me under. “all”In my mind.
Fast forward many years and I’m a mother
Only when I was forced to slow down did I reflect on my goal — and, more importantly, on what I wanted to teach my daughter.
She should know this before she follows me. “it all,”She should define what this means to her. Her “all”Her goals, passions and purpose do not need to be measured against any other criteria. I want her to understand that the greatest accomplishments are not necessarily the most important. “all”She will always be her own person and she should be her priority. “all” list.
She should do the exact opposite of what I did.
I had been pushing and pulling and grinding — well past my limits — because I thought that if I had it all then I would be happy. I was missing the joy and love that only came from being outside my home.
I was able to spend more time with my family and friends. It was great to be able to spend more time with my daughter and make dinner together, as we had avoided the commute. We also enjoyed being able to take longer to play games or give each other facials. “all”That I didn’t know, but had completely missed. The greatest lesson in redefining was “all”The realization that I was worthy of more was what she made of me.
It is not possible to have it all.
I was quickly aware that everything is possible. “all”The s and n are not the exact same.
Many Black women may hope that their success in the workplace, family and career will erase the stigma of racism that has often surrounded them.
“All” is not just a goal — it can subconsciously fill the chasm between us and the injustice we frequently experience on the journey to achieve it.
Another sneaky factor is that women can be told all must be done and then put it in opposition to none for another.
As I sat in lockdown for the umpteenth time, it struck me: My goal wasn’t “all”None at all. I realize now that I don’t need or want it all.
This is not what I need to find joy. I should work hard to reach the goals I set for myself, believing I can achieve them and cheering on other women who do so.