Father’s Day is being celebrated today, with Dad’s around the world using the opportunity to dust off their seemingly endless book of bad puns.
Dads – here are a few more to add to your roster.
(Sorry, kids.)
Read the full list, below:
1.
What’s the heaviest soup in Asia? One Ton
2.
Dad: “What would you like for pudding?”
Me: “Ice-cream.”
Dad: “Me too, shame we don’t have any.”
3.
Two pears on a table. Dad picks one up and says: ‘They’re not a pair anymore.’
4.
Dad (when driving past a cemetery): ‘They put the fence up to keep everyone in!’
5.
(When driving in the car)
Me: “Where are we Dad?”
Dad: “In the car.”
6.
When squeezing past in the hallway and saying “excuse me please”.
A classic dad joke is to lock you in a massive hug and say:
I thought you said SQUEEZE ME.
7.
What did the secret service yell when protecting the last president?
Donald, duck!
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8.
Me: “Please may I leave the table?”
Dad: “And where are you going to leave it?”
9.
When rubbing your eye
Dad: “What’s up?”
Me: “There’s something in my eye.”
Dad: “Yeah, it’s your finger.”
10.
Me: What’s on the TV?
Dad: Just some dust.
11.
Dad: “I’ve got a great joke about a pizza.”
Me: “What is it?”
Dad: “I can’t tell you. It’s too cheesy.”
12.
Me: “Dad, why isn’t the snake moving?”
Dad: “I don’t know son, it must have a reptile dysfunction…”
13.
Where does a bee pee? At a BP station.
14.
I knew I shouldn’t have had the seafood. I’m feeling a little eel.
15.
Me: “Cocktail sausage?”
You: “It’s too early for a drink, honeybun.”
16.
Me: “What are you doing, dad?”
Dad (standing on one leg at ATM): “I’m checking my balance.”
17.
Dad is scratching his eye.
Me: “Are you okay?”
Dad: “No I’m really worried I’ve got a piece of steel in my eye.”
Me: “Why?”
Dad: “Because I may have it for the rust of my life.”
18.
Me: “How are you feeling?”
Dad: “Same as normal. With my hands.”
19.
Dad (watching the football): “Is Concarne playing?”
Me: “Huh?”
Dad: “Is Concarne playing? For Chile?”
20.
Dad: “Have you heard about that new film Constipation?”
Me: “No.”
Dad: “That’s because it hasn’t come out yet.”
21.
Dad: “I can cut wood just by looking at it.”
Me: “I don’t believe you. How?”
Dad: “It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes!”
22.
I finally bought a large thesaurus I’ve wanted for ages – but when I opened it all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
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