The Wedding Therapist Suggests It’s OK If the Honeymoon Phase Isn’t Happiest

  • People anticipate that the happy months following a wedding will be the best time in a couple’s lives.
  • A wedding therapist says that it is normal for people to feel a range emotions during this time.
  • Even positive changes can be difficult to accept.

The first few months of marriage are what most people envision. “honeymoon phase”: A couple who are happy in their union and spend every waking minute together feeling joy.

In reality, however, it is rare for a couple to feel happy after they get married. It’s also not common for people to feel anxious for months afterwards. Landis Bejar, a marriage therapist and founder of AisleTalkInsider, by.

“What is usually talked about as the honeymoon phase is similar to wedding planning and being engaged, because there’s a pressure from society to be elated, euphoric, everything sunshine and rainbows,” Bejar told Insider. “When in reality, it is the direct aftermath of a major life transition.”

People are not always comfortable with change, even when the changes in your life are good, such as marriage, Bejar explained to Insider.

A woman wears and twists engagement ring wedding ring in stress.

It is not uncommon to feel anxious after a wedding.

laflor/Getty Images

You won’t always be happy after the wedding.

“We don’t talk about it because it’s one of those times where society tells us, ‘What do you have to complain about? You are traveling around, you married the person of your dreams, you don’t get to complain,'” Bejar said.

“We have that expectation of being happy confronted against the reality of a major life transition and identity shift, which is usually not all happy,”She added.

Bejar encourages clients to have a more balanced approach to their emotions. This will help them feel happier about their marriage.

Newlywed Couple Dancing Wedding Celebration

It doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time.

“So much of therapy I think is just learning to hold two or more truths at once,” Bejar said. “They are not black and white. They’re not happy or sad. They are happy and confused, happy and bored.”

Bejar, for instance, said that some people might feel bored after the wedding because they are used both to the responsibility of planning it and their full-time jobs.

It is possible to feel anxious about starting to deal with things that you had promised you would not do until after the wedding.

No matter what mix of emotions it is, you can rest assured that your marriage is not in danger. “I do.”

According to Bejar, “you can have a lot of feelings at once, and they’re valid.”

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