OUT in the real world, Sir Keir Starmer’s most attractive feature is that he is not Jeremy Corbyn.
But within the batty confines of Starmer’s own Labour Party, among all those swivel-eyed activists and metropolitan militants, amidst all the hatchet-faced union barons and spotty student radicals, Starmer has one major flaw.
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He’s not Jeremy Corbyn.
It’s all a bit awkward.
Starmer’s appeal — such as it is — to British voters is that he is obviously not cut from the same mad Marxist, Brit-loathing cloth as drooling old Jezza, even though Keir tried to get Corbyn elected — not once, but twice!
But not being Corbyn could conceivably spell the death of Starmer’s career.
Starmer is likely to not face Rishi Sunak and Liz Truss in the next General Election.
Because the Labour movement is furious at its leader.
From the backbench MPs to Labour’s union paymasters, the comrades are fuming because Starmer sacked his shadow transport minister, Sam Tarry, after Scarlet Sam was interviewed on a picket line of striking railway workers outside a spookily abandoned Euston station.
Flat cap-wearing Mr Tarry — ally of Corbyn, boyfriend to Labour deputy leader Angela Rayner — disobeyed Starmer’s direct command telling his frontbench to stay away from picket lines.
But they just don’t listen!
Sam Tarry was allegedly fired for not being in solidarity with strikers, but rather for unauthorised media interviews.
The brothers can’t see the distinction. “The sacking is quite frankly shameful,” seethed one Labour MP.
Labour never learns
If the British wanted to be ruled over by a Labour-hardliner government, Corbyn would be tending his garden in 10 Downing Street today.
But they don’t.
Boris Johnson’s landslide at the 2019 General Election was at least as much to do with national revulsion at Jeremy Corbyn as it was to do with Bojo’s winning personality.
But Corbyn and his loony left instincts were — and still are — catnip to party activists, who invariably shared his wacky worldview and chanted his name to the melody of Seven Nation Army.
No matter how badly the Tories try to sabotage it, the British people won’t ever elect a fanatic like Corbyn as their leader.
Labour wishes they had a leader in his image. This is Starmer’s historic dilemma.
Sir Keir is well aware of the fact that he must back strikers who inflict misery on working Brits. He will then be another Labour leader who cannot win general elections.
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However, if he condemns strikes and insists that his shadow ministers keep away from militant union leaders, he will immediately hemorhage support within his party.
Imagine how a Labour leader who has real courage and vision would turn this summer’s strikes to their benefit.
Starmer should be criticizing the RMT union because it rejected an 8 per cent increase in pay without consulting its members.
He should be doing all he can to resolve the dispute and not for ever trying to hedge his bets in fear of frightening the hard-left headbangers.
If Starmer had the bottle to truly stand up for ALL workers — including those who can’t get to work because there are no trains, and those taxpayers whose £16billion paid the wages of railway workers to run empty trains during lockdown — then he would crush the warring, weary Tories at the next election.
He would then be the true heir of Blair.
But he’s Keir Starmer. Half fence, half man. Fudgefinder General.
And so with Keir, to paraphrase the old D:ream song — things can never get better.
Shoe-rely, there’s more than Prada loafers to PM!
RISHI SUNAK gets stick for wearing £500 Prada shoes during a visit to a building site.
I have a horrible hunch they may have been Rishi’s cheap shoes.
Meanwhile, as Nadine Dorries helpfully points out, Liz Truss is travelling the land in earrings that cost £4.50 from Claire’s Accessories.
Truss PM is not a reason for me to be disappointed that she still wears low-quality jewellery.
Three cheers for Kate
JUST 24 hours after fainting during Central Recorder’s Tory leadership debate, presenter Kate McCann was back on live TV, hosting a debate on the battle to be our next PM.
Now that’s impressive.
Professionalism and courage are required to quickly return from an incident such as this.
Kate has plenty of both.
Even if it was a relief for her to sit down.
Stella life of Kate
KATE Moss hasn’t said much over the years.
Piers Morgan or Oprah Winfrey were not invited to sit down.
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She has never put her heart on the talk-show circuit.
But Kate’s Desert Island Discs – moving, eloquent, revealing – shows what the world has been missing.
The most revealing glimpse into Kate’s starry world was the anecdote about going shopping with legendary rock chicks Anita Pallenberg and Marianne Faithfull and then almost inevitably bumping into one of the Beatles, George Harrison.
Half of you expected Bob Dylan would pop out from the changing room and ask questions: “Does my bum look big in this?”
Kate’s life has been like an episode of Stella Street, where everyone she meets is a star, and Mick Jagger and Keith Richards are just the nice old blokes who run the corner shop, bickering over the Jaffa Cakes, and Roger Moore gives David Bowie a face flannel for his Christmas present.
Legal eagle soars
Prima Facie was last weekend’s sixth most watched movie in the UK.
This was the movie of a one-woman National Theatre play. Jodie Comer starred as a smart, cynical lawyer who defends sexual assault victims. She then becomes the plaintiff in a case involving rape.
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Some context – the film just above Comer’s solo show was Top Gun: Maverick, while Jurassic World Dominion was just below it in seventh place.
Even with Jodie Comer’s famously fanatical fanbase, Prima Facie’s success is phenomenal.
Most of this summer’s hit films come from Hollywood’s greatest franchises – Minions, Tom Cruise in his aviator shades, Buzz Lightyear and those very angry dinosaurs.
One-woman plays starring a brilliant British actress aged 29 are holding their own with the rest.
Dirty hans
BECAUSE of Germany’s grotesque addiction to cheap Russian gas, the country is now having to cut energy consumption by a whopping 15 per cent.
Public buildings will not have heating or hot water.
There were many dirty Hans.
Give us a break!
I’d rather have a stale baguette in my eyes than try to drive into France.
Why travel to a country you don’t want?
When the French point out that it was British citizens who chose to leave Europe, they are correct. This means that there is no free movement.
But with a bit of goodwill on both sides, the chaos at the border with France could be avoided – Brexit or no Brexit.
French passport holders aren’t ritually humiliated when they enter the UK.
There is not much goodwill among European neighbors.
They will punish us if we dare to leave the EU if they have the opportunity to do so.
That ugly spite is unlikely to make the British feel like re-joining the EU – or even taking a mini-break in France these days, as arduous as organising the Normandy landings.
Monsieur, I can be yours for two weeks in Cornwall.
An explosive exit
BORIS JOHNSON was never happier than when he was launching hand grenades alongside the Ukrainian troops during military training in North Yorkshire.
Many PMs feel awful for themselves when it comes to the end.
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Thatcher wept.
Cameron’s voice broke.
Theresa May laughed.
But Boris quipped, “Hasta la vista, baby”You will then need to throw a handgrenade.
A poll has shown that 45 percent of Tory voters oppose Bojo’s departure.
J-Lo is not the one who is’sad.
“SAD,” sniffed one female commentator about J-Lo’s naked photoshoot to promote her new product, Booty Balm.
What’s sad about it? Lopez looks sensational.
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You can bet it takes a lot to look so good after your 53rd birthday.
J-Lo’s old flame and new husband, Ben Affleck, 49, seems to find it hard to stay awake on their honeymoon.
Now that’s what I call sad.
Let’s go girls!
THE England v Germany game in today’s Euros final will get the kind of TV ratings usually seen for a royal wedding.
The tournament has caught the public imagination and women’s football has exploded – not least because of England goals no football fan alive could resist.
Georgia Stanway’s Bobby Charlton-style screamer against Spain.
Alessia Russo’s outrageous backheeled goal against Sweden in the semi-final.
Let’s hope this stunningly successful tournament has a lasting legacy at a grassroots level.
In my day, netball was all that was played by girls while football was all that was played by boys.
Today, around 63 percent of schools offer PE lessons to girls in football.
The greatest victory of the dazzling England team would have been to make football available to every girl in the country.