- My son came out to us as trans at a very early age.
- He was so happy to have a boy’s haircut. It also solidified his true identity.
- My son is much happier than I was before.
The inside of this cake is pink. “We’re having a little girl!” I shouted. My toddler, now a boy, is telling me this after a few years. I was initially a little confused and assumed it was just another toddlerism. My second child is a boy, and my older child was a dinosaur when he was 2.
“I don’t want this hair,” My almost 3-year old son told me. My toddler excitedly said that he wanted to have hair just like his older cousin Will. I hesitated to take this route. I changed my mind. I asked him if he would prefer a girl bob. The request was quickly turned down.
I continued with the bob style almost to the point that tears were coming out of my eyes. Then, I decided to follow my gut and give my child what I knew was needed — pictures of little-boy haircuts. “Yes! Yes, that one!” His face was filled with joy and validation.
Post-cut, we filmed my child’s reaction to seeing him in the mirror. It is still something I look back on nearly three years later whenever I need some happiness. My child’s reaction to seeing himself in a mirror was pure gold. It is the same way that he sees himself. It’s hard to put into words. It was breathtaking.
Although I thought I knew it before that moment, it was overwhelming to take in. That moment was the turning point that confirmed my knowing.
About two months before his second birthday, my son started to tell me that it was a boy. We started using his affirmed pronouns around age 4 — it took some time for our language to catch up with our hearts.
I have a trans son
There have been gray areas along the way of figuring out where we could course correct and how we navigate this path of having a trans son, but I do know that we’re on this path for a reason.
The pink color of the cake was not a mistake, as boys can also have pink cakes. We had just misunderstood our son’s gender.
The short hair turned quickly into “boy” clothing and underwear. From standing while peeing to sitting to standing. From she/her pronouns, to he/him prosnouns. From the name that we chose for our child, to the name that he chose.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m drowning motherhood. In my first year of motherhood, I was overwhelmed with the demands of nursing and the numerous wake-up calls throughout the night.
This next stage of parenting — cellphones, social media, romantic feelings, puberty — it overwhelms me.
Then there’s the second layer. I start to think about what others might think, what questions they might have, and what gossip they might bring up. This is not only when my child becomes transgender, but everywhere we go together.
It is easy to allow these thoughts to slip my mind when I read about trans parents fighting for their child’s place on the soccer team. I also have panic attacks when explaining our situation to friends that I haven’t seen since my son’s name and pronouns changed. There are times when grandparents awkwardly avoid using pronouns in conversation, and I find it heartbreaking to watch.
A woman who knew my son back in the days when he used she/hers pronouns asked me earlier this year which pronouns I should use around him. It was a simple acknowledgement that gave me hope.
My son is truly a blessing and an honor. He amazes me every day, and I’m so thankful that we’re all on the same path. I’m glad that I got to meet him.
Editor’s Note: To protect their son’s privacy, the author chose to remain anonymous during his journey of coming-out.