by Kiley Krzyzek
“Make sure you get a job before you graduate because you aren’t the same smooth dude when you move back into your parents crib,” warned comedian Jay Dukes while sitting with a microphone on the stage in Alumni Hall on Thursday.
The show was sponsored by Central Activities Network as part of the Homecoming Week festivities.
He covered a variety of topics, joking about girls having guys on call for certain days of the week and opening doors for girls and having a guy slip through.
Mostly, he joked about money or, rather, not having money.
“I’m grateful to be here, I gotta get this check,” said Dukes before listing crazy things you can do to save money such as cutting open the back of a tooth paste tube to get your money’s worth. “College students know how to stretch that refund check,” he said while stomping and letting out a loud ‘ohhhh’ exclamation. “We have to ball on a budget,” commiserated Dukes. Luckily for the crowd, the show was free admission.
Dukes was not shy when it came to addressing the audience of students, calling out a select few in the crowd for their reactions.
“Yo homie in the hoodie, you got a girl?” Dukes called out to a student sitting alone in the crowd with his hood up. “Nah” he replied. “But you have a girl you can call right?” pressed Dukes.
“Yeah” said the hooded figure, creating a nice segue into his interpretation of a girl pretending to be unavailable.
He asked ladies in the audience if they were single, at which a handful of hands went up, then confessed that he’s in a relationship.
“I’ve been in a relationship for two years… Give it up for me,” said Dukes, prompting the crowd to respond with applause. “Stop clapping,” deadpanned Dukes. “It was an accident,” Dukes said telling the story of a fight he had with his girlfriend when he didn’t want to get up from the couch to do the dishes like she asked and she kicked him out. He walked back soon after to apologize and she questioned what he wanted. Dukes then took off his belt, much to the chagrin of the crowd, just to say “What I want is to finish watching Law & Order,” said Dukes. And who could blame him?
“I love the way ya’ll laugh like ‘ha ha ha, next joke’” commented Dukes.
“I can’t stand lectures, especially college lectures,” he complained and gave the example of a professor saying the class will cover a certain chapter, getting side-tracked, and assigning a test the next class. “No we don’t, we have a test on your weekend because that’s all we talked about!” he exclaimed before making a show of acting like a preacher teaching a math lesson. “Professors should be more like preachers, I wouldn’t have failed man,” he said.
In addition to surveying relationship status, Dukes initiated an unenthused pep rally by calling out each class before addressing the freshman.
“Freshman, ya’ll know about the freshman 15 right? It’s so real, but it’s important to maintain yourself. I’ve also witnessed the sophomore 45,” said Dukes.
Dukes slipped in some real advice into his act such as “It’s important to know who your true friends are and keep them around.” Just when you think he’s gone soft, he tells a very descriptive story of accidentally feeling up his friend’s grandmother. Naturally, this resulted in events management dimming the lights, a student named Isaac being ushered from the crowd to beatbox, the right side of the crowd calling out “What” and the left side calling out “Gimme dat” on command as Dukes recorded the “Two-handed Titty song” for Instagram, a CCSU Original.